In this poem I go crazy
Turning off all the lights and brushing my teeth and deleting Every naked picture I have of myself. Throw all my shit On the ground—clothes and envelopes and the little cash I have left. This time, I promise, I’ll stop doing drugs, When all this is over. And cursing. All of it. Giving myself Bruises just to have something to do and look at and plus All my art supplies are out. Decided to learn Italian then Decided to read Infinite Jest then decided to pick up smoking so that I can decide to quit. Some control would be nice. A decision. Making a decision. I would like to create something that’s just for me But I can’t give up the narcissism of it all. Later tonight I’ll masturbate So I can finally get some sleep and because Nothing else has worked but I won’t think of anyone While I do it, I won’t play music either. I’ll fill the room, I’ll make the sounds, just to kill the time, Whatever that means. All I know is, If there’s something that needs destroying, I’m willing to do it.
Giovanna Zavala is a senior at Chapman University studying film and English. She has had her poetry and prose published in calliope Art & Literary Magazine and Underblong, and is the writer of ten produced short films, one of which she also directed. She likes movies where men cry, backpacking, and peeling oranges.